time...

i have this weird relationship with time. good and not so good.

i can tell the time of day to almost the minute just by 'feeling' what the daylight is. without a watch around.

my body can wake up when i 'tell' it too, without an alarm (95% of the time).

3 weeks ago yesterday was cora's last day here. i am still completely heartbroken. almost every night, about now, bedtime, i cry. a lot. she was my best friend (besides mark.) she was HERE. and it felt RIGHT. and now it's empty. Quinn is a good boy (most of the time. okay, maybe half the time.) but he's not *her*. Right or wrong, that's the truth.

I noted on December 20th that 6 months had elapsed since completing my first marathon. In scorching heat and humidity. with some of the best people i never knew 2 years ago...

I look at a calendar on June 25th and think, 'huh. 6 months til Christmas'. (now folks will look at that date and think 'the day michael jackson died'. See?!?!?! there I go again! another silly tidbit I totally don't have to remember...)

I can remember my first real kiss (date, year, time) from way back when (nice try, Dad. not going to dish....)

I had an experience almost 2 years ago that shouldn't be anything I remember. But I do. There's so much *other* important data and info to keep straight in the world, what is my issue with time? Why remember something that's trivial?

I look at a calendar again, and see a date waaaay into the future (we're talking something fun we might have to look forward to in August *2011* for goodness sakes) and I get stoked.

who does that??

me.

like or not.

I am a planner.

I am a remember-er (good or not so good events).

so my relationship with time is a little schizophrenic. I love remembering the good. I dislike remembering the bad, and I long for times of 'before' that are no longer. Like adventures with my girl dog. I look forward to next summer's travels, but I pine for the time we had 2 months ago.

and then there's just enjoying the now.

which I do try to *not* take for granted. and just, well, enjoy.

be.

live.

so we end 2009. another year. another 365 days. and another set of selected random dates, events, times, that are imprinted on the ol' noggin'....those i enjoyed, those that were remarkable, those that were forgettable, those to learn from. and those? that just were.

for better or for worse.

this decade was a biggie.

finishing my MLIS. getting a job. getting a new job. (the 'dream job'). getting married. buying a house. making new friends. many new friends. learning to run. learning to run far. learning that anything you put your mind to, you *can* achieve. losing my 2 grandfathers who served in WWII. gaining a stepfamily. gaining a goddaughter and her sister. learning to roll with the changes. and to challenge yourself. and learning that change? *is* okay. even if it hurts sometimes.

here's to more in 2010, as they are sure to be more in all of those categories.

travel. camp. canoe in the back country. go to florida with my best girls of 30 (holy. crap. yes 30) years for the first time in 15 years. open a new library. camp more and take cora back to where she belongs. run the chicago marathon. and whatever else comes my way.

as the old college yearbook staff i was part of used to say...

expect the unexpected. because that's always part of life as well.

here's to you and yours into the new year, as we leave one decade and enter another.

cheers...

~jd

6 years, 10 months, 13 days...

not nearly enough time for the most loyal canine friend i could have ever asked for.

the cancer has become fierce enough that it has made cora not be able to get comfortable any more, meds or no meds.

this is killing us as much as it's literally killing her. but we want her to be pain free and we have known for too long now that this was the eventual end :( the vet today is pretty certain she has a pathological fracture in her left leg due to a bulbous mass on her shoulder that appeared almost overnight. her spirit is still good (which is so SO hard...) but her body? is broken beyond repair :(

so as of december 8, our girl will run free in the next place and we will miss every bit of her being here with us...

blessings to all during this usual merry time of year. i think our christmas will be more subdued this year...and rightfully so when one of the family is missing...

peace & love...

3 out of 4 legs work well...

but when it's the front leg that you were told 4 months ago had cancer in the bones, i realize one should feel lucky that they got 4 solid months of a happy waggy dog.

her spirit is still awesome. her personality too. but her body? is failing.

and her owner/mom is just heartsick.

not sure how much time is left, but it's likely not too long...

it's going to be a rough week.

on the flip side she's still here now and we're going out for a slower walk that she still loves...

ruminations

haven't run more than 5 miles in about 5 days.

this weekend i'll run 3, maybe 5 on saturday. it's our 2nd annual runner retreat to celebrate our awesome 2009 season at friend kim's cabin.

since my last post i remembered a smattering of NYC details to share:
Favorite tidbits I failed to mention in the last post, random order.

1) african man holding a sign with "Twizzlers' on it and the african translation handing out candy. just by himself on a corner. then an older (more than 70 i'd say) european man running next to me with his individually wrapped twizzler was not able to open it. Man nudges me, worried or questioning look like 'can you please tear this baby open for me?' i did. he smiled and kept on truckin'. awesome.

2) similar story to above but without the elderly man. an asian woman holding 'Swedish Fish Here' hand made sign in english and kanji or some asian translation and a little gladware full of red swedish fish. again. awesome.

3) a man. with 2 prosthetic legs. changing them out. Mile 10 or so. In the middle of the route/road. With his pit crew of friends helping. WOW.

4) the sound of thousands of runners and sticky shoes. Gatorade Endurance formula was on the course...it's full of more sodium and other 'goodies' to keep us hydrated. it also has to have more sugar in it. because SO MUCH was on the roads, esp the later we got into the race that when we throw our cups to the side, there's always splash out of what you didn't drink (non runners? we usually don't ever down the whole cup...) so with all that gatorade on the road, our shoes literally stuck to the road for a good 1/4 mile past each water stop. very very weird. shluck shluck shluck shluck....as we all kept on pace..

5) related to above? so much water and gatorade on the road led to the cups themselves literally composting down as we ran over them...most races have people with brooms or rakes get the cups over to the side to prevent runners from slipping/tripping on them. but with so many people on the course it was nearly impossible for them to do that at certain points without becoming hazards with rakes. so composted trampled wet clumpy bits of gatorade cups were all over the road. again, just not the norm...and kinda interesting.

it was an amazing event. it took about a full week for the whole experience to really settle in. yes. i WOULD run it again. it was amazingly cool, even if i still can't believe they let me in...

my next event is not until January, unless I become one of the millions (yes that many) on Turkey Day to run a 5K. which I just might. where's one right by my house. can't really pass that up...and i have the whole day off before turkey day to clean house for our house full of friends to attend thanksgiving dinner. no family near here so it's just us and the friends hanging out. much wine, much delicious food, a variety of topics to laugh about and no dysfunction :) amen!

January is when i hope to travel to phoenix to see baby Julia, mom Karen and dad Jerry...it also happens to be when the Rock N Roll Phoenix marathon and half is. Let's not think crazy. I'd be doing the 13.1. this girl is taking retirement seriously. IF i run a marathon at all next year it'll be Chicago. It's on Oct 10th. That would be 10.10.10. Which I think would be awesome karma and a stellar way to remember when I ran it ;) I still remember 8.8.88. The lights went on at Wrigley Field for the first time. I remember such useless things sometimes...but there you have it.

on the homefront, we got back from Winnipeg, Manitoba on Monday. Mark had a big basso profundo solo to sing in a Rautavaara piece last weekend. The choir director flew us both out, put us up in a beautiful hotel and paid Mark on top of that to take part in this. Very cool! Mark is now wishing he could sing full time and ditch retail land. But reality is that singers just don't make the millions...esp basso profundo singers. yet?

Cora is hanging in there but the limping is getting much worse as time goes on. She was great until about 2 weeks ago. I have a sinking feeling we are in a much diff position now than we were all summer. I hope she sticks around for another couple of months but I know reality may not play out that way. We really don't know. The vet is astounded how well she's done til now. But he has told us many times we're really lucky it's gone this way. And that we just have to see how this continues in the coming weeks. Her spirit is still awesome! Her shoulder sadly is not. We'll keep you posted...

On that note, it's time to get some chores done. Peace & love, ~jd