after a full 380 days plus away, it's very different to see the plain non-facebook format of blogger again vs what i log in to about three or four times a day, via desktop or mobile (addict? maybe.)
so a few things i felt i may want to address just for the sake of posting.
what's different in over a year?
wow. so very much. and yet? some things remain the same.
mark and i are happy. 9 years plus. love you, baby. even when you have to leave to hit the road as a musician. and i miss your birthday without you :( (we'll make up for it shortly!)
we have george lopez (age 4), quinn (on his way to 11), lucy (the senior at 15) & ellie (turning 8). all animals.
we both have the same careers. last september i added a 3rd job as a run lead out of the lifetime fitness in roseville. which only means i help talk about running to people who won't criticize me for it, and i try to help find those who want to even start walking join in a healthier lifestyle. and the tiny bit of extra dough is nice to put away for future events. so i lead a run once a week, and take folks around the streets and paths of roseville, year round.
the library is the same and yet different. we have a new library in new brighton. that used to be in arden hills.
we have staff members in flux wondering if a program that has been long standing will continue and allow for future growth.
our business in my library since opening on july 10, 2010 has exploded. (some good points here. the bosses love high numbers. for those on the front lines it is extremely stressful yet rewarding at the same time.)
compound that with severely short staffed buildings due to budget cuts, *and* forcing the librarians to unionize, and you have the lowest staff morale ever. apparently some people i work with decided our management wasn't good enough for hearing their complaints, so they decided to form a coup, that less than half of our professionals believe in. (nothing like having 'big brother' watching who's going on vacation when and then complaining about it.) and for those who only show up to get a paycheck and never put in extra time (or god forbid, come in on a day off to get things DONE) it makes me thankful i share an office with people who believe in much my same views.
i love my job in most ways. but some days just make me wonder how the heck it can get much worse or full in terms of what we can offer in such a crisis of staff duties and body counts. for me, it's more than just a paycheck. it's finding that connection with your community. and for that, i'm thankful.
hmmm. what else is different?
friendships have changed. or formed. or dissolved. all of the above. thankful for the good, disheartened for the bad. somehow i thought you magically get to an age where you don't lose friends. not true. at least so far, on my way to age 38. but finding the new ones? blissful.
some babies have been born, we've all grown older, and mark and i are still childless. which is how life is. but yet, if i (or more often, someone else) asks how running is? i talk about life in that regard. sometimes i get the eyeroll and 'are we talking about running again??' factor from those people who don't run or don't get it.
i am more than happy (and often *initiate*) conversations with people about their kids and families and what's new. i love kids, i just don't happen to have birthed any. i sure have felt like i've seen a great many grow up in my 10 years in the public eye, and for that i'm thankful.
i try not to criticize anyone else's hobbies or passions, whether they be football, star wars, trading cards, pregnancy, kids or online gaming. to each their own.
funny how more than half of my close close friends are either single or childless. both 'unspoken' minorities in my book. is there anything wrong with either group? absolutely not. but yet, both sets of these folks are looked at as 'why aren't you married?' or 'why don't you have kids?' 'what's wrong with you?'
i'm sorry. i don't ask you to not complain when your kids might be getting to you, or all 3 are sick, or you haven't slept in 2 weeks because of that ear infection Jr. has. so please don't criticize me if i go on vacation every other weekend in summer because i happen to not work, or that i happen to have run a race this weekend that another person has asked me about...i never thought making or having a child or family makes anyone 'normal' or 'better'.
this world is full of an awesome mix of all of us, and that is what makes it robust and interesting.
do i love talking and actually running? of course. that IS hobby/passion/other life.
but do i enjoy a good cup of coffee and talking about adventures or good food or books or wine or dogs or the news? i DO. ask me about *that* sometime.
i'm looking forward to the winter season as, true to the planner i am, and the friends i have found that adore adventures too, we have much to look forward to!
i am not looking forward to the next 12 days of insanity as the budget year ends at work. add in facebook going all wacked out and forcing me to update my handout for class in mid november, and missing some coworkers who have moved on that were awesome to teach with, and it's not what it was. but not everything stays that way. one day at a time, and all will be well. i believe in the glass half full. it's better for everyone. would you want to talk to someone who's sour all of the time about every thing possible?
here's to year 44 for mark and year 38 for me around the proverbial bend.
i'll whine. i'll hurt. i'll sweat. i'll probably cry a little. and might even bleed.
runs that go AMAZINGLY well and you're like 'yes, as a matter of fact, i *do* kick asphalt. why yes, i *should* wear a cape!'
runs that go so poorly after you've tried to do everything right that day. eat. hydrate. yada yada. and you STILL end up in GI distress for no effing reason.
at the beginning, after a long hiatus away, every step is hard.
most days i don't want to get up in the dark.
time wanders on and i grow sick of bananas.
sick of pasta.
tired of 'no, you can't have that half a bag of potato chips. that won't digest well for your run later.'
tired of not being able to drink any friday night wine for 16 weeks. (even less 3 weeks from the start.) (yes, clearly i have never had kids for those who don't know me.)
running for 7 miles feeling like a marathon.
running for 8 miles.
running for 3+ hours straight. just as 'practice'.
buying gu's by the case. because you need em often when you go through 2-4 every weekend for a solid 8 weeks or so...
the magical day will come. the sun will rise early. the mojo and anticipation will literally pump from the heart through the body.
no sleep the night before. a few hours if you're lucky. restless sleep.
writing your name on your arm in the biggest sharpie they sell.
not trying anything new on race day. EVER. EVER EVER EVER.
sunscreen all over your body. (4+ hours out there can roast you right good if you're fair like me...)
then the bus ride to the start (the 'holy sh*t, i have to run back ALL THIS WAY?' moment happens.)
no matter how many marathons you've run, i think every runner goes through some version or another of all of the above.
i am 2 weeks away from the official start of training for marathon number five.
bought new training shoes today, spanking glowing white, wrapped in their perfect tissue paper enchilada, just waiting to be put on the first time, the 2nd, the 157th time to hit the real open road for 250 miles or so of 'practice'...
i dread part of it. i feel inadequate. i'm not worthy.
and yet, i'll work my ass literally off, feel horrible doing it some of the time and feel like i rule my own little universe the rest when i DO go out and workout 3-4 times a week, diligently, good or bad.
fact: no one makes it to the finish line if they don't put in the work and time.
watch any major race finish line. those people who look like the walking dead at the end? they did something wrong. not to criticize unnecessarily, but they did. if you run smart, train smart and stick to your plan? you will finish. standing up. happy. crying maybe, but not looking like you might curl up in a coffin at any moment because you made poor choices somewhere along the way...
i'll run alone sometimes during the coming months, but more often than not i'll be with friends.
who share the same sick twisted passion for pain and accomplishment.
and that finish line on june 18? will be the end of the winding road to sweet freedom of what one CAN do if they concentrate, focus and dream big.
anyone can have a dream. a want. a passion. an adventure to try out. (or repeat).
mine just happens to involve a lot of running around.
as john bingham loves to say, waddle on, friends. waddle on.