on the fence....

trying to decide if i should ditch the blog.

i like that the folks and friends far away like to peruse it now and again and it makes me feel somewhat connected to them being across the miles.

but i really feel like i don't have that much to say, and that much of it revolves around running. which to most is not their thing or misunderstood.

but mostly i don't have much to say.

it *is* a great medium to share pictures and stories from trips that i might be fortunate to take...but there's sites like flickr for that.

hmmmm. well i guess if i do yank it down i'll just send one last 'the end' post.

while it's still here, just a brief update. this week was tough. it was awesome to have mark home and within a matter of hours he was explaining to me, quite painfully, that he'll miss the grandma's marathon next june in duluth. the biggest challenge of my life. really really not intending drama here, but how many of *you* have considered running 26 miles? heck, i hadn't until just a month ago or so. but to those who run races, of any distance, it's always important to have loved ones there. if at all possible. so to hear mark's news was just crushing. i know he's stuck. he loves to sing. i've loved to learn to run. and neither are very interactive with the other.

then there's the whole christmas thing. i have 3 jobs now, in order to pay down bills. and while i love love LOVE giving things to people, this year is just so tight. i am opting to go to maui in january to visit gram. she is VERY much looking forward to it, and being 35 and being fortunate to have a grandmother around, let alone one who travels on her own, is a big deal. i too am looking forward to it. (but again, mark can't join me due to singing.)

so i need to pay for maui, and pay for christmas, in limited capacity, for the family. i'm pretty crafty so i'm trying to make a lot of home-made gifts. and i also do things like sell items on eBay or consign clothing to pay for gifts. the little things.

i know i don't need to buy dad a lexus or anything (sorry dad ;) but when we have family in 4 different states, finding the right gift in a budget and shipping them on time becomes a challenge. i emailed my really close friends this week to say 'hey, you know what? in the past sometimes little gifts come my way at the holiday....and this year i'm asking kindly that you not buy me anything. friendship is the biggest deal to me. the talks. the coffee dates. the breakfast dates. the time spent together as my friend'. and i got many responses echoing my sentiments. so i know i'm not alone. still doesn't add to my sadness that i can't shower my friends (and their kids or pets) with kindness....it's what i love to do.

so this week was an up and down week. i was really ready to just have some quality time with mark and enjoy the holiday seasons spirit and then real world stuff hit and it's not as rosy as the movies always make life out to be.

that said, i did make some cookies last night to feel somewhat domestic and enjoy the spirit with a few girlfriends (one of whom is due with baby #2 in less than a month and i can't wait to meet the new little Noll...)

my thoughts are with another amazing friend of 30 years back in chicago who is going through the challenge of major marital problems....and it's hard to be so far away when she's hurting so much.

this weekend i am meeting with some friends, of which we 'adopted' a local shelter family to buy gifts for and I did spend some of my funds for christmas on this cause. a great one. so off i go to gather those few gifts together and walk some dogs as the sun sets...stay warm and for those nearby, hope your shovels are at the ready. again. tis the season ~ jd