time...

i have this weird relationship with time. good and not so good.

i can tell the time of day to almost the minute just by 'feeling' what the daylight is. without a watch around.

my body can wake up when i 'tell' it too, without an alarm (95% of the time).

3 weeks ago yesterday was cora's last day here. i am still completely heartbroken. almost every night, about now, bedtime, i cry. a lot. she was my best friend (besides mark.) she was HERE. and it felt RIGHT. and now it's empty. Quinn is a good boy (most of the time. okay, maybe half the time.) but he's not *her*. Right or wrong, that's the truth.

I noted on December 20th that 6 months had elapsed since completing my first marathon. In scorching heat and humidity. with some of the best people i never knew 2 years ago...

I look at a calendar on June 25th and think, 'huh. 6 months til Christmas'. (now folks will look at that date and think 'the day michael jackson died'. See?!?!?! there I go again! another silly tidbit I totally don't have to remember...)

I can remember my first real kiss (date, year, time) from way back when (nice try, Dad. not going to dish....)

I had an experience almost 2 years ago that shouldn't be anything I remember. But I do. There's so much *other* important data and info to keep straight in the world, what is my issue with time? Why remember something that's trivial?

I look at a calendar again, and see a date waaaay into the future (we're talking something fun we might have to look forward to in August *2011* for goodness sakes) and I get stoked.

who does that??

me.

like or not.

I am a planner.

I am a remember-er (good or not so good events).

so my relationship with time is a little schizophrenic. I love remembering the good. I dislike remembering the bad, and I long for times of 'before' that are no longer. Like adventures with my girl dog. I look forward to next summer's travels, but I pine for the time we had 2 months ago.

and then there's just enjoying the now.

which I do try to *not* take for granted. and just, well, enjoy.

be.

live.

so we end 2009. another year. another 365 days. and another set of selected random dates, events, times, that are imprinted on the ol' noggin'....those i enjoyed, those that were remarkable, those that were forgettable, those to learn from. and those? that just were.

for better or for worse.

this decade was a biggie.

finishing my MLIS. getting a job. getting a new job. (the 'dream job'). getting married. buying a house. making new friends. many new friends. learning to run. learning to run far. learning that anything you put your mind to, you *can* achieve. losing my 2 grandfathers who served in WWII. gaining a stepfamily. gaining a goddaughter and her sister. learning to roll with the changes. and to challenge yourself. and learning that change? *is* okay. even if it hurts sometimes.

here's to more in 2010, as they are sure to be more in all of those categories.

travel. camp. canoe in the back country. go to florida with my best girls of 30 (holy. crap. yes 30) years for the first time in 15 years. open a new library. camp more and take cora back to where she belongs. run the chicago marathon. and whatever else comes my way.

as the old college yearbook staff i was part of used to say...

expect the unexpected. because that's always part of life as well.

here's to you and yours into the new year, as we leave one decade and enter another.

cheers...

~jd