feeling helpless...and going on...

38 days til grandma's.

training continues.

work life continues. (though it's still insanely quiet business wise compared to what we were used to. yes, we've only been open 2 weeks now, so i do think it'll pick up...still weird...)

stress about balancing these wacky schedules (2 jobs, training & a marriage) is still high.

i am ready for the race to be done, so life can return to whatever 'normal' is.

training is good. but it IS time sucking. no doubt. but no one can expect to run for 5 hours straight and NOT put time into getting ready for that.

i eat like a horse. i burn a lot of calories. and i try to buy clothes that don't fall off me. (and i am by no means bragging. it is seriously hard to find small/tall clothes. i have become a huge oxymoron. try not to run with that one too much please ;)

looking ahead...

mark and i have at least 2 if not 3 camping trips planned for the summer.

REI had a sale the past 2 weeks and we stocked up on some new gear (sleeping pads, sleeping bags, camp cookware..) and borrowed other supplies from generous friends...I am ready for the campfires, the coffee hot in the morning, steaming in the cup with the sounds of birds singing and nothing else (well maybe the sounds of other campers waking up since we'll be in parks) but that's about all...

that's good news of late.

the bad news is i know of yet another friend who's marriage is totally crumbling, through absolutely NO fault of her own. and she has 3 young children who are also suffering...

i have this insatiable need to try and help those that are close to me. those who i trust, those i call a good friend. and when they are hurting, and have a life literally combusting apart at the seams, i feel so helpless. but i do what i can to help, and just try to be there. what more can i do?

so that's thrown me and my runner girls. it's one of our own who's totally hurting.

and who ran her first marathon, a bit spur of the moment in fargo, nd last weekend (where 10 of us ran the half marathon on a chilly cloudy october-feeling saturday morning...) and this woman? this mom of 3? totally ROCKED.IT. she finished in 4:19, and for those who are totally not runners, that is a very STRONG, pretty fast first marathon. amazing. but she had a lot of energy and emotions to run through, and she did nothing less than what we'd think she can do.

but here? things are pretty well overall. i am wondering just what goal i should have after this 16 weeks of working towards running 26 miles is over.

i have a few ideas.

but for now? like i have to do so often...i take it a day at a time, and i realize that some things are just not in my control. and i have to just keep going and understand/accept that. and try not to think so much...

if anyone had told me 5 years ago that i'd be running 100+ miles per month and training for a marathon, of course i'd say they were freaking out of their gourd.

and so, here i am. doing things i never even had ever considered...

so no fancy pictures.

no funny quips.

just a ruminating kind of post...
peace, ~jd